Dissection Of Horror Movies

Almost everyone who knows me knows that I am a horror movie buff. So whenever my friends argue about the paranormal, they seek my opinion as well. We end up discussing which movies are the scariest, which are funny, which have the hottest chicks in them, etc. I had just watched ragini mms n was sharing the story with my friends, when a new comer to these discussions mentioned the twilight series. Imagine the poor things horror when all of us started giving her a tough time to put it up as a horror flick. Now, this is where all you twilight fans have to stop reading n go back to whatever it is you guys do. As for everyone else, here’s what we rambled about.

Newbie wanted to know why we didn’t count twilight as a horror flick when it had vampires and werewolves. If that was the criteria for a horror movie, then scary movie series, vampires suck, teen wolf would all have scared the shit out of us. Never mix romance in horror flicks, it just makes the guys really uncomfortable. Now my oder friend simply put it this way, “Sorry to kill the romance, but if the girl fell in love with the vampire n had sex with him, its necrophilia and if it’s with the werewolf, its beastality….” We kinda let that dialog sink in before bursting out laughing. Even newbie couldn’t control her laughter.

So we decided to make our list of things to do in a horror flick. A few whacked from the net

• NEVER go into the basement to check the power when the lights go out!
• NEVER bathe, especially when in the house alone.
• ALWAYS check the back seat of your car.
• NEVER follow strange noises. Run in the opposite direction
• NEVER follow your pets to dark creepy places
• When cutlery and furniture start moving across the room on their own, MOVE IMMEDIATELY
• NEVER take “Anything” from the dead.
• NEVER say "Who's there?" Its a death wish.
• NEVER stay in a spot screaming, you are very likely to die!
• If your car runs out of gas at night, NEVER go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help.
• NEVER venture into a spooky town. If its deserted, it's probably for a good reason.
• ALWAYS be nice to the shy, quiet, unpopular girl/boy in school.
• If your companion is blonde and has big breasts , keep safe distance, she’s gonna get killed soon.
• Kill the person asks to split up. They will eventually get you killed.
• If you come into possession of a strange old artifact and any weirdo warns you to do/not do something, do not do just the opposite in order to demonstrate how silly they are.
• Skeptics are ALWAYS proved wrong in a horrible, nasty, painful way. Be a believer.
• Children CANNOT be killed in a movie, only possessed or absorbed.
• If your kid ever talks to there dolls and says they are after people BELIEVE them.
• NEVER use a Ouija board.
• If you suspect someone has turned to witchcraft, become their friend.
• If you're being chased by a monster and you find one of your friends and they ask "what's wrong?", NEVER stop and try to explain. Just tell them to run. If they're really your friend they'll follow. If not - that's their tough luck.
• If you find a window/door open which you thought was previously closed, NEVER close it. It may be your only way out.
• Never under any circumstances run to the top floor of any building if you are being chased.
• Never walk backwards in a horror movie. The killer will always appear behind you
• Hiding in a closet should always be your last option when running from psycho-maniac
• NEVER get up for a snack or drink after sex. When you return, your GF/BF may not be as you left him/her.
• NEVER utter, “I’lll be right back.” If you do, u probably wont.
• Once you have killed the bad guy NEVER drop the weapon you have just used, no matter how beat down you are.
• NEVER fight the killer, even if you are good. He will always win.
• By chance you knock the killer out, NEVER leave the room to to get somebody because when you come back he will be gone
• NEVER try to pull the mask of the killer when he’s down.
• When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it's really dead.
• Don’t wait till everyone else is dead before you send the ghost back to hell or kill the psycho

Most Important

• Listen closely to the soundtrack and pay attention to the audience.

Finishing off with the guys from The Big Bang Theory discussing vampires and zombies

Raj: Here’s what I wonder about zombies: what happens if they can’t get any human flesh to eat? They can’t starve to death, they’re already dead.

Howard: You take this one. I spent an hour last night on ‘How do vampires shave if they can’t see themselves in the mirror?’

Sheldon: Well-groomed vampires meet in pairs and shave each other, case closed!